2008 Match Reports

SLEEPLESS MONSTER, PLACID BANKER OVERPOWER SHARKS!! (03/08/2008)
by Ian Gason

Wombats continued their dominance over cross-town rivals Ichihara with a strong 8 wicket victory Sunday at Fuji. A strong Ichihara total of 201 was built on a second wicket partnership of 81, but the Wombats dug deep to get through the middle order in the stinking humid part of the day.

Seems the guys at Nippon Rentacar have lost their sense of humour. The trusty wagon was decked out in industrial strength wombat-proof splash mats, wrapped in Glad Wrap and topped off with a sign conveying in no uncertain terms that spillages, busted eskis, food, cans, and body parts will no longer be strewn across the van floor.

Signs a plenty that things might go a-miss. Chuck down in Izu with 98 million other weekend drivers, Madan coming by train, and Big Gay Al running late. I figured Al had been out with the departing Rob Mann, but no, The Body had a date with TOTO, enjoying his monthly 30 minute shit. All-bran and prunes should help. Or see a doctor.

At the ground at 10....at the train station at 10:15....still there at 10:30.....Chuck stuck in traffic...Alex needs to buy deodarant.....Madan arrives....Chuck doesn't.....reckon I might get a motor-bike and you blokes can sort yourselves out!!

Back at the ground, I was stunned by the sight of Rhino's magnificent erection. Apparently he no trouble getting it up, but to me it looks like what happens when boys scouts start messing around with LSD. See the pics.

Chuck wanders into view just in time to change, share a few thoughts ("Women and cricket just don't mix") and inspire us onto the field.

The Sharks started well, getting off around 5 an over with me at the river end and the sleepless Morty at the city end. Although I had Prasanth fishing, I got no nibbles and he got lots of fours, and Chuckie presented me with a one-way ticket to fine-leg. Morty was tighter at the other end and got the first wicket, a catch to new keeper Madan Kasimayan.

The man from ANZ Bank, Rowdy Grant Turner fired up at the river end and bowled pretty well. First drinks, Sharks just one down, with Dougal and Prasanth looking set.

The cricketing Gods decided fine leg wasn't penance enough for me, and banished me time and time again into the Fuji jungles. Rather than bringing a water bottle to the boundary next week, I reckon I'll bring a flame thrower. Prasanth was the main culprit in this adventure, and GT's bowling bears the mark of four sixes in over.

But with his final ball of that remarkable over, GT laughed last and longest as his bouncer was fended away to Roy O'Carroll at mid wicket. Rowdy was amongst it soon again taking the big wicket of the innings, taking a diving catch out on the cover boundary to dismiss Dougal off Shax.

There was some solid and meaty batting at the crease in the form of Thurgate and Lollback. Lollback threw his wicket away. Well, actually he threw his bat away, when he charged the veteran spinner and the willow went walkabout and the batless batsman had no chance to regain his ground, stumped smartly by Madan. (Getting nervous, Jarrad?)

Thurgate went soon, as the two stars for the Wombats, Rowdy and Morty combined, Rowdy (3fa) following up by clean bowling Mayank for a Golden Duck.

The next wicket saw a comical run out, although the bloke who was out didn't see the funny side of it. Smith pushed a Reggie delivery and called Yes, but at the other end, Adams stood about like a man with painted on legs, choosing option B, No. Smith wanted A, Yes, and backed his claim to such up with Its My Call, and yet, the painted on legs weren't swayed. The stumps swayed as Madan removed the bails, and Smith was not a happy man. Whack goes the bat into the ground, whack again, its my call, I said no....Bish meets Jarrad would be a fair description.

Morty was back in action at the river end, and bowled Adams, allowing the two running partners to continue their animated discussion of the merits of their recent actions. The 9th wicket added 20, and the Sharks had 201 in the bank.

The Wombats had down well to keep the score down to that, having fought back hard in the heat to get keys wickets. Fielding was of a high standard, with Morty, Reggie and debutant Ross Allen showing the way. Madan had a great day with the gloves, and was especially tidy with those nasty low, ankle height balls which can upset some keepers.

So, 202 to win, 5 an over, batting collosuses Shearer, Ainslie, Ferris and Burke elsewhere.

Enter the Sleepless Monster From The Pong. First ball, eased back past the bowler for a graceful boundary. Morty set the tone. Unfortunately, Madan was a bit to eager, perishing to an ordinary full toss after looking like he was an able replacement at the top of the order.

Rowdy Turner, fresh from a goldie last week, was promoted to number 3, and looked ready to cash in. Timing and placement were abundant, as he motored along. The more sedate Monster provided great support and the two had Captain Thurgate changing his bowlers. The pair added 60 in 9 overs, with GT's 3 sublime fours off Mossop's first over being amongst the many highlights. GT was dismissed sweeping on 38 (33 balls). This was Ichihara's final moment of joy.

Chuck came out, and with Morty wore down the bowlers. The two were steadfast in their desire to be there till the end, and when they did come off, victorious, they'd set a new Wombats record for the 3rd wicket of 128. The Sharks bowling had no answer as the two played chanceless knocks. Nine bowlers were tried in all. Dougal even tried his hand at spinners. Not even a dodgy piece of elastic in Morty's constantly falling down whites could stop this pair!

Chuck made his usual cautious start, with the scoreboard ticking along in singles, wides and no-balls. His first boundary took 27 balls. Heads were down, the field silenced. From that point, 7 4s and two 6s rained in 30 balls. The sixes were massive, deposited into the slips cordon of the neighbouring pitch.

Appropriately the Sleepless Monster ended the match with the same shot that began our innings, an effortless push back past the bowler for four. Morty walked off drenched in sweat, with a new record partnership to go with his new highest score, 68*. A Man Of The Match was his for this remarkable day's effort.

t was unfortunate that debutant Ross didn't get a chance to shine this time, nor could we get a rare inning from the Roy Boy, but to be treated to a batting masterclass more than compensates.

This should cement out finals' spot, but we still have two more league games to make statements to the opposition, and for blokes to stake their claims. (God knows, one of the opening bowlers' slots could be vacant soon...)

How pleasant it was to have van ride free of wrestling, ice throwing, eski smashing, can throwing, food fighting shenanigans. Deep conversation to do Dr Dave proud substituted for the playground behaviour, and we all learnt a few things about each other. There can be no doubt that Ross has chosen the right club, not after that philosophical question about goats!

NAGOYA FEAST ON WOMBAT DROPPINGS (26/07/2008)
by Courtney Jones

For once the driver held up departure from Harajuku and those waiting for him to arrive decided he should take the shink to Shizuoka for his tardiness. When Ian eventually arrived he's says "fine! but I'm taking the van with me!" so we let him off this time and to Shizuoka we went for our Pacific Cup game vs new foes Nagoya C.C.

A summer Tomei traffic jam saw us arrive at 11am and Nagoya soon after. No warmup was needed because flattening the Shizuoka pitch with the heavy roller had us all sweating profusely under the sunny, bloody hot skies. Thankfully we won the toss and decided to bat. Previously overheard was a 4am conversation in Roppongi between Zulu and Axe saying they were opening the batting this game and so it came to be. Be careful what you wish for though, as Zulu lasted 3 balls in his return to the Wombats fray. To see Zulu fresh and awake at Harajuku the morning of the game was never going to be a good omen for him plus, not having picked up a bat for 2 years also doesn't help. Axe hung around a while playing beautifully straight until his first attempt at a cross bat takes the edge to gully and a premature end to a Wombats Legends last bat in Japan.

Burke and Jones set about steadying the ship and just as they looked like getting on top both fell. Burke to a mistimed pull and Jones to a nick behind. 4/74 but thankfully Rhino brought his A game along. His first scoring shot was an effortless flick over square for 6 and I immediately suspected it was gonna be his day. Short, wide balls were consistently treated harshly by Rhino and he looked very comfortable on a typically two-paced Shizuoka pitch. GT unfortunately got a Shizuoka skidder first nut to pick up his first carreer golden. Ian casually slapped a big straight 6 during a 41 run partnership with Rhino but otherwise the tail didn't really wag and we were bowled out for 154 in 39.3 overs with Rhino 42 n.o. and extras 43 being the major contributors to the total.

Play was to resume at 3pm and the Wombats looked very settled under the trees sitting in the "new" Shizuoka ground spectator chairs so the catching warmup was foregone for a few extra minutes in the shade. What a champion move that turned out to be! Luke and Ian opened the bowling without penetration so Alex was soon called upon and in his first 12 balls I reckon 5 catches went down. Thankfully Nagoya eventually hit the ball to someone who could catch, Burkey and Alex got a much deserved wicket.

Nagoya's #3 got a hundred in 9 overs the previous week and to see him take a massive cut at his first ball told me we need to take the first chance he offers. He top edges soon after and yours truly grasses one of the easier catches I've ever had to deal with and my reaction is perfectly reflected in Ian's following words. The captain now has one of his butter-fingered hands on the dummy-spit trophy after an undignified, hat throwing, foot stomping hissy-fit, reminiscent of another West Australian Wombat. "C'MON USELESS!" "YOU GIRL!" and other curses echoed around the placid Abekawa ground. At one stage he shaped to punch the ground but decided that swearing at it would yield more tangible results. A minor misfield a little later produced a brief encore performance.

7 catches dropped in the space of about 8 overs and the contest was gone as Nagoya kept swinging and we kept dropping. The #3 did eventually get out, bowled I suspect, for a scorebook confusing 36 runs off 5 scoring shots! And in a bizarre twist to the innings debarkle Chuck pulled off a stunning one handed catch at cover to dismiss Nagoya's top scorer Madan. I wish I could give you some bowling stats but Nagoya made such a dogs breakfast of our score book that all I can say is that Alex bowled very well to get 2 wickets and so did GT to pick up a wicket for not many runs. Nagoya 4/155 off 25 overs and back to the chairs we went. The awards were dealt out to Nagoya's Madan for his 40 runs. Our best went to Ryan for his 42n.o. and play of the day to Chuck for his one-hander. Neil who umpired us and has umpired upteenzillion games of cricket in Japan agreed it was the worst display of catching he's ever seen and I can't say I've seen anything quite like it.

Most players headed to the river for a cleansing, then back to the chairs for beers. Such was the contentedness of the Wombats that it was decided to go buy another slab, chewies and a bottle of vodka for a fines session at the ground. The vodka lasted 5 mins as the catching fines made short work of it. Darkness crept in and fireworks lit up the sky as the now ennibriated Wombats enjoyed the spectacle and continued to drink. However it was getting late and we still had the drive back to Tokyo to deal with so for the 3rd time in a day back to Shizutetsu we went for alcohol.

With Zulu back in the fray and Axe's last van trip it was always going to be eventful and it quickly degenerated to the usual Wombats rough housing, piling on, ice pelting and drink spraying. It got so rough at one stage that Chuck got his t-shirt ripped off his back and thrown out the window. Curly thankfully dumped us out the front off Harajuku around 11pm and off to a place more befitting of the state we were in-The Pong.

I remember hearing at some stage in the evening "It was the game we had to have!" I hope so! See ya's this Sunday for the big J1C game vs Ichihara

2008 KOBE TOUR REPORT (27-9/06/2008)
compiled by Luke Ray

FRIDAY

Speaking personally, it was with warm and (very) fuzzy memories of the previous Kobe tour that I greeted the lads, already gathered outside Shinagawa Starbucks. The beers started flowing immediately, everyone fully aware that we only had 48 (very) odd precious hours of drinking ahead of us (minus time for the odd game of cricket and perhaps a nap.) And it was with faces of trepidation bordering on despair that the fellow passengers of the south-bound Nozomi 53 Bullet Train greeted the more-frivolous-by-the-mouthful Wommies. Perhaps they had heard the Cap'n outline his plan of attack for the evening - "I'm just gonna be a total slut tonight" - geez, if he's broadcasting it already, I nervously-but-excitedly pondered...

The trip down was tame compared to what was later to come. Needless to say that we were eager to get in some pre-drinking drinking on the train, and as usual the captain led by example. He also had to be lead (read 'carried') off the train after a gloriously failed attempt at sudden forward mobility without the use of his legs/motorskills/vision/sobriety. In short he face-planted off the train onto his kitbag, and once again through the ticket gates, all the while maintaining that cheeky 'aw c'mon boys let's have a bit of fun ay!' grin that we love him for. The tour virgins glanced about nervously, the Kobe team welcoming party gave a knowing smile, and the rest of the Wommies wanted to know if anyone had any alcohol. We were firmly on the road to Osaka Obliteration.

Next stop was the KRAC headquarters in Kobe, where there was indeed plenty of alcohol. We'd like to think we put a pretty bloody hefty dent in the grog stocks, and the fact that this intrepid tour reporter can't remember a thing about our stop there seems to prove the point. Oh wait, I do remember a certain Wombat making room for more alcohol in the dunnies...Anyhow, after a time, the call went out and we headed for the train to Osaka. And what a train ride it was....

By Wombat standards the train ride was actually fairly tame. Minimal alcohol was being spilled, everyone had their clothes on, no one was climbing into baggage racks, and there wasn't a sniff of train cricket to be seen The silly, SILLY man who decided to dob us in to the station officials obviously had no idea what he was getting himself into. Upon the first of many increasingly impolite requests to vacate the train (thereby cutting into our Osaka drinking time - intolerable!) the comfortably numb El Presidente once again metamorphosed into the beast last seen terrorizing Shibuya after the presentation 2007 night, and revealed to anyone who would listen, and many who tried not to, that he is just as proficient at insults and swearing in Japanese as his wife is in English. Approximately 5 or 6 station guards and ten minutes of stoppage time later, the Wombats exited the train, content in the knowledge that we had successfully schooled the entire carriage in the ancient art of yobbism. All the while, one wombat had missed the action, as he quietly emptied the contents of his stomach onto himself in the corner...still making room for what was to come, I assume.

And we hadn't even gotten to Osaka yet!

Once in Osaka, a quick scan of the city revealed that, in order to have the most impact, the Wombats would have to splinter into efficient 3-to-5-man cells, and, given their separate missions, they slipped off into the night. Mission 1: the meat-market bar didn't exist in the end, so Jarrad, Morty, Gavin, Rhino, Laidler, GT and Al found themselves at some random club - void of any other human beings. The kind bouncer recommended club "Pure" (sarcasm is obviously alive and well in Osaka) so off they went, with a map to Club Pure and the excited smile of a sports team on tour - the rules don't apply! Dino kicked up a stink about having to show ID (No!? Dino, spitting the dummy!?), so the club didn't let him in of course. GT and Gavin stuck by their noisy club president and stayed outside, while Morty, Rhino, Laids and Al partied inside. The place was cranking, when Captain chuck, in an amazing display of that sixth sense that enables his near-prophetic field placements, stumbled in out of nowhere - fluke find of the year.

The boys wasted no time waving their credit cards at the tabletop dancers. Drinks flowed, hard to remember who came and went - Al stumbled outside, leaving Morty talking to some chick at the door, and bought some water with Rhino and a bento for a friendly homeless man. By now it was morning. A one-hour sojourn via Mcdonalds to find the holy Sankaku Koen followed, where Luke was waiting, back from untold (unremembered?) adventures with some locals in various establishments. Later reports would confirm that Dino and GT found ways of amusing themselves!

SATURDAY

Good times after the game in the KRAC bar - Gavin's voice totally gone (and his bowels totally emptied - see match report) In order to leave the Wombat paw print on the Kobe landscape in most spectacular fashion, the team once again split into attack teams (anyone remember Voltron?)

The split took place at the live house - Luke, Chuck, Rhino, Derek from the KRAC, and Al went in instinctively after hearing and seeing the action inside. Perfect choice - band rocking, DJ pumping, dance floor alive, wide-eyed stares from little cuties who still thought foreigners were gentlemanly and charming (poor, deluded souls...bless 'em.) No other gaijins either. The vibe was happy and friendly, particularly in the men's toilet (Take it all in one toke man!!) One of the highlights had to be the team of 6-foot stiletto-wearing Priscilla Queen of the Desert-style transvestites who would later put on quite a show. Then the main act - a rocking, hip, funky Ska band. The dance floor wooed the boyz to boogie hard - knocking everyone flat within an Al-hand-span. After a few hours, the live house team left and stumbled back to the Irish pub in the pouring rain to find the rest of the Wommies: Mckenna dancing like a speed-crazed duracell rabbit with an inner-ear problem, Laidler seducing a hat stand, three girls who had followed the lads in and proceeded to play with each other in the corner, downright dedication to 'hospitality' on the part of the bar owner's missus, and the bar to themselves. On the stumble home many more beers later (or was there another bar involved? Sorry, it's just not coming to me!) a motor scooter lost a brief tussle with Rayos, and everyone got wet, but no one cared. Gotta love Kobe.

SUNDAY

I don't think anyone was particularly bothered that the Sunday morning game was called off due to rain, except maybe Curly, but then again he doesn't have to put up with the hangovers. Faced with nothing to do but chat to the lovely waitress downstairs and sit in the bar and try not to get drunk again, the Wombats turned their thoughts to the Bullet train home. Some drank Chuies, others snored, and another Kobe tour was done and dusted.

Gotta love Kobe...

PAIN IN RAIN AS KOBE TROPHY IS REGAINED (28/06/2008)
by Ian Gason

TOKYO WOMBATS claimed the Hardys Challenge Trophy 1-0 with a solid batting performance in wet conditions at Kobe. Sunday's game was rained off.

The solid batting performance was not reflected in the less than solid state of the Wombats themselves. A hard all-nighter in Osaka followed by failed attempts to sleep in the Kobe Cock Forest Suite hardly the best way to tune-up for a crack at the crack KRAC team. After much huffing and puffing on the sidelines, Wombats struggled into the field and set about allowing Kobe to accumulate a competitive score.

Yours truly was particular generous to the hosts, conceeding a mere 67 runs, possibly the worst ever figures by a Wombat. Luke Ray faired a bit better picking up an early wicket. Debutant Richard Laidler took over at the city end - hang on, its a one end ground isn't it? - and was soon amongst the wickets.

It wasn't just the batsmen amongst the runs. In the gully, Gavin ripped off a fart that was more solid than gas, and his follow through soiled his jocks, which needed changing at the fall of a wicket.

Wickets in hand and runs on the board, Kobe looked like making a grand total until Rowdy Grant Turner came along and spewed upon their plans. Rowdy finished with 3fa, including the danger man Derrick caught magnificiently by Richard, running in and diving low into the vast shadows cast by the Body Koolhofff.

The Body too was amongst the wickets. He'd have had one more except that I fluffed one. Pat top edged one that went higher than the light towers, and when it became apparent that the keeper wasn't coming round to get it, the duty fell to me. Burning up open re-entry, the pill careered into my thumb, which two weeks later, still ain't right.

Derrick's straight hitting did most of the damage, and the Kobe total was helped along by some cavalier slashing. The tail wagged. One gent even adapting the gay-dab to be played with the bottom of the bat between keeper and first.

It was a good fight back by the Wombats to dismiss Kobe for 198. Two pairs of Skins and several knees and elbows died in the battle.

Rain became heavier, but the game would go on. Jarrad and Gavin opened up and got things going nicely, bettering the run rate for the first 5-10 overs. Kobe's attack consisted of pace, pace and more pace, which Jarrad used to help the ball to the boundary with pace, pace and more pace. The persistant and enthusiastic Kobe appealling echoed around down-town Kobe, and eventually Gav was LBW. Morty came out, having been blocked the night before, did some blocking of his own. Actually he was hitting the ball very well, but just couldnt find the gaps. After an eternity he got off the mark, and cantered along to a 20-odd, before he departed via a terribly soft caught and bowled off one of Kobe's few slow bowlers.

The boys from the Swan River Settlement did the rest. Jarrad cover drove for 6, went long over the infield, tickled a few round into the gaps. Chuck spanked a couple round here and there too, answering the calls of Telstra from Pat. The Big Man Jarrad was denied a back to back century, stranded on 98 not out when we passed the Kobe total, 2 wickets down.

Excuse the brevity of this report, for the game has faded in my memory. Anyway, what you really want is Luke Ray's Tour Report.

WET WEATHER WAITS WHILE WOMBATS WHIP WYVERNS (24/05/2008)
by Ian Gason
>>>Match Scorecard vs Wyverns

International duties deprived both sides of a number of their anchor players, but it was the Wombats who had the depth as they prevailed over Wyverns in an anti-climatic Grand Final replay at Fuji on Saturday.

Weather forecasts were chopped and changed like English wicket keepers, predicting somewhere between 20 and 90 percent chance of rain sometime between Friday and the second coming of Christ. Conversations centreing on will we or won't we get on the pitch flew back and forth and well, eventually we did. Brief showers fell at the Fuji Family Mart and returned again at fine leg moments after the Wyverns innings got under way.

Burkey inserted the opposition. Pup took the keeping gloves. Me and Morty shared the new ball. Morty at least did something with it, producing 2 early wickets with edges to the waiting cordon. Grant pulled off a superb slips catch to add to his nascient Hardys collection. When I was finally dragged, Reggie got amongst the wickets, and Wyverns were struggling. Big Gay Al replaced Morty at the City End and he too was soon amongst the wickets, and brought out his new wicket celebration, the I Am A Spastic And Have Tourette's Dance.

Our Captain and Coach spoke of the importance of getting through our overs quickly. With the notable of one lethargic Tasmanian, Wombats young and old jogged through the change overs, often urged on by one "dictator"- yours truly- encouraging (in Al's case in vain....) the troops to "look alive."

Despite rain about, Fuji made a brief appearance, and Wombats started to think about knocking off the runs. That's when Wyverns rallied, stodgedly defying our leather flingers. As we searched for that elusive 8th wicket, Luke Ray was looking for a hole to fling himself into, after he (call me Joffer if you will) wrapped up the Herschelle Gibbs for the year. Off his own bowling, the ball arced gently back to him in the exact position where his follow through ended. Pup reckons he has never seen a worse drop, even in under-12s, yet The Freak, taker of the often untakable catches, dropped the undroppable.

Most bowlers' armory contains an "effort ball". Apparently Luke's instead contains a "pissed off ball".

What else happened? A clash of cultures, as Morty called "Morty" running in from cover to collide with me at point calling "mine". (Catch held by Morty). Two balls after the drinks break, the Quiet Achiever caught having a slash in the bushes. G-spot racked up 3 catches, including 1 as keeper. A few displays of soccer skills, balls being kicked from running player to player in one case, and from foot to foot to fresh air and a run in another. Shaxxie flighting the ball magnificiently for 2 wickets. A dead cert run out missed as the ball richoted of a tuft of grass - on a 3 metre return.

From 6-60 or so the Wyverns, a type of small dragon by the way trivia fans, had tail wagged to 120.

After a 15 minute speed scoff, Pup and Rhino went to face the music. Captain Steven Burke may well be rueing his decision to shield himself from the new ball attack, cos to be honest it was as toothless as pensioner with all his teeth removed. Pup belted the first ball for 4, and went 8 balls before collecting a dot. Rhino anchored the 50 run partnership, standing at the non-strikers end, running when Pup hit the ball, especially those vital last ball singles. The importance of Rhino's contribution is best not judged on the 3 runs he added, but by the downfall of Pup 5 short of his half-century not long after his trusted opening partner was caught. Pup's 38 ball knock included some sweetly timed drives as well as the usual display of power-Pup hitting.

The G-Spot quickly found the sweet spot and showed his timing was up there with the best. By this stage our only enemy was the rain, as we were helped along by a score of wides. Grant was bowled as Wombats entered the home straight. The Big Roy, Dave O'Carroll emerged from semi-retirement, looking nothing like a man whose last encounter with a bat was a duck 9 months ago. He stroked the ball through the gaps in a brief innings that showed his true class. Uncle Dan'd be proud. (Roy, teach Uncle Dan to ground his bat, by the way.) Morty got a few runs in before the victory was wrapped up anti-climatically by a wide which trickled into the bushes.

Timing. Not only by Pup, GT, Roy, but the Big Fella upstairs. The first drops fell not long after the hand shakes, and within about 30 minutes of leaving the field, there was enough rain for us to be heading for the van.

A tail-end 30 by Ra Mason got a Hardys award for Wyverns BOG. Twas a truely omnipresent performance by Mark Ainslie behind the stumps, wrapping up the tail, and a 45 run flier to beat the rain - and he was our Hardys Man Of The Match.

Post match, the eski was stocked and and McChucks run done all by 3 oclock. Onto the Tomei and into the highlights before dark is an unusual phenomina. Afternoon drinking is not Morty's forte and it showed. Pup turned it on with a colourful display of potty-mouthed banter. Grant was subdued, feeling that something was missing from last week's ride. Attempts to break up Kiwi Corner failed. A few discussions of the strange and deliquent spluttered into and out of life. Pup was bleeting for a pee, but to his surprise we were back in Tokes and pulled into Harajuku just after 6, sending Pup scurrying for somewhere to relieve his bladder amongst the throngs of Saturday arvo shoppers.

Next up: Sat June 21, Nagoya at Shizuoka.

WOMBATS VICTORIOUS AS VICTORIANS DOMINATE YOKOHAMA (04/05/2008)
by Ian Gason

After 4 years of trying, the Tokyo Wombats finally tasted victory at Yokohama, running over the silver spoons in a 9 wicket victory, more than making up for last year's Pup Match debacle. With the season properly upon us, there were pleasing signs for the Wombats, but disappointingly for the 4th warm-up game of the year, we still failed to get eleven Wombats on the track.

Rob Mann's extensive networking lured us Damo and Allan, and Mark from YCAC was a last minute replacement for last minute withdrawal Rhino. On any other day, Damo's boardies'd have won him a worst dressed, but who'd have expected Mark's helicopter hat?

Captain Perfect Steven Burke lost the toss and YCAC opted to bat, and with a wee drizzle confirming suspicions that Japan's weather folks couldn't predict sand in a desert, me and Morty got things under way.

If only I was Pup. Then I could wax lyrical about my devastating spell of pace bowling that had the YCAC top order in tatters. If only I was Pup, I could tell you how I had the ball swinging late, inswing, outswing, Irish, the slower ball, the kitchen sink. I could ignore the marvelous support from the Lawn Bowls End from Morty. I wouldn't bother to mention how he toiled for 7 blistering overs without getting the rewards he deserved.

Gifted with Pup's self-publicity skills, I'd talk you through ball by ball the stump to stump line which grabbed me my first LB, and gloss over the tonking that Kamran embarked upon. The attempted outswinger that swung in and Kamran played on, I'd be telling you all about that.

Morty at short-cover took an amazing knacker-crunching catch, but I'd claim that as my hard work, too. And with the YCAC innings at 4-40 odd, you know who'd be front and centre of this match report.

But I'm not Pup. And it was more of a trundle, with all the zip of a Zimmer Frame Derby, and less swing than a North Korean election. And instead of picking on our portly Crow-eater, I will praise him for an excellent effort behind the stumps, free of tea-pots, dummy-spits or byes.

Big Alexander and Reggie were the first change bowlers. Reggie can thank the YCAC umpire for Mark Ferris's wicket, LB despite being a good 3 metres down the pitch. No doubts about his other wicket, well caught by a nervous Allen in short cow-corner.

Alexander should have had a big wicket when a big hitting YCAC bat hit big down the ground, where I made a meal of the catch. A few overs later Al was amongst the wickets when Kamran's hospitality got in the way of his judgement, ruling a man out caught behind with the bat and ball in different postcodes. The aforementioned South Australian charged in from the Bowls End to clean up the tail. YCAC's 98 on paper not much of a target, but anyone who was at last year's game said little about our prospects.

Captain Burke opened with Grant, and the bowlers served up a mixed bag, wide of the crease one ball, attacking the stumps the next. The G-spot looked cool, middling the ball, but not getting the penetration desired. Mr Burke crunched one cut for four, but this was against the flow of the early play. Runs were hard to come by, and our fearless skip was struck repeatedly on the pads. Several good shouts came at the Tin Shed End, one in particular given due consideration by this umpire, who felt there was just enough doubt about its leg-side trajectory. Hawk-eye may have disagreed.

At the bowls End, G-spot was dismissed, tickling a faint edge to the keeper. Out strode the boy from Ballarat, Ross, MRF and mea culpa in hand. The tight bowling continued, but Ross was awake to the task at hand. He batted with determined poise and concentration, like a man who had recently slept through a chance to make a big score against a tough opposition. His batting was all timing and placement, unlike his pre-game routines, and the bowlers had no chances. Warming to the task, Ross ignored his tweaked calf and pushed hard for 2s and 3s. Mr Burke was also hitting his straps.

Mark Ferris came and went. Kamran came, first with pace, then with spin, and then he too went. YCAC ground fielding deprived Ross of several boundaries, but it was not enough to stop the two Victorians from cantering towards victory. With the score in the 90s and the spinners on, Ross digressed to the ungainly with a IPL-esque slog. "Can't have an innings without one cowie," was his logic.

Mr Burke was having none of it, and timed a graceful straight drive to the long boundary to take us over the line in the 24th over.

With the quick finish, a Ten-10 SlogFest (copyright pending) was convened. Stumps smashed, balls bashed, wickets fell, crowds cheered. The very future of cricket. Ignore the ugliness of the shots, Wombats inability to find the middle and hence the boundary. The crowd was not shouting, "Please may we see an elegant cover drive?" NO, they all shouted MAXIMUM!! And were disappointed. Not half as disappointed as Pup though, after he dispatched a pie up, up and away over the fence again for a six-and-out, hold the 6 runs.

We set YCAC 52 from their allotted Ten-10 overs. Allen stunned the cricket world with a two-hop bowled first ball. Balls were SMASHED. Wickets were WICKETED. Maximums were MAXED. With 46 on the board, G-spot took two in TWO balls, more wickets FELL, Morty took a stunning parry and dive two grabs at the CHERRY catch of the MILLENIUM. It was all happening, the crowd was electric, the cheer-leaders indecent, media frenzy, hyperbole overdrive......but then YCAC got the last runs with 2 wickets in HAND.

With the J1C season just days away, fielding still shows signs of rustiness. Several fellas could've done with a hit today, but then again, some fellas could have turned up to training more often. We will welcome back the Swan River Colony gents next week, but come up against old foes Millenium, many of whom will be peaking as the World Cricket League tournament is just 2 weeks away. We will need to be switched on.

Thanks to the hosts YCAC, and Damo, Allen and Mark for having a run.

DINOSAUR HEROICS CAN'T AVOID NARROW DEFEAT TO JAPAN (20/04/2008)
by Mark Ainslie

JAPAN 6/252 (Chino 79, Ahmed 27, Beath 25, Giles-Jones 24*, Ainslie 2/47, Kelly 2/47) defeated TOKYO WOMBATS (Shearer 109*, Jones 37, Turner 23)

A lesson in cricket professionalism was handed to the Wombats, falling 20 runs short of Japan's total, despite heroics from Jarrad 'Dinosaur' Shearer – scoring another ton for the club, which was towards the end a true monument to the human struggle, after keeping for 50 overs, then batting for all 50.

Heavy rain late in the week caused concern for the game to be a no-go, but the ground was given the all clear for our 50 over practice match versus the Japan national team down at Fuji #2.

The meeting time was a little earlier than usual, and too early for Ross who became the first shink casualty of the year. A worse punishment is being thought up by the management team after its first AWOL.

Not a first gamer for the club, but GT was initiated to the world of the Wombats' van trip – it was somewhat unfortunate for him as it's going to be tough beating what was one of the best ever.

The outfield was still quite muddy from the previous rain, but safe to play on, and play started on time with Japan batting first.

The Wombats opened up with Curly and Morty who both bowled tight and accurately to have openers Beathy and Chino under pressure early. Pup was brought on for Morty and picked up his bunny Beath straight away. Amigo joined Chino, who put together an 82 run partnership for the second wicket in good time. Killer was brought on to create a wicket, and that he did, taking Chino's wicket with a rank, leg side full toss, Junmei taking a great catch on the boundary.

Small, but valuable partnerships, and a gradual acceleration of runs, helped along by poor fielding on a difficult outfield, and a few dropped catches, saw Japan score 100 runs in the last 13 overs, ending their innings at 5/252. The rules of the 50 over game came into dispute near the end after a front foot no ball from Pup saw a free hit offered to the batsman, Pat, who was consequently bowled, but scampered through for a single!

Our innings didn't get off to a great start when another Dino-related run out saw Junmei's innings cut short. GT came in and the two put on a good partnership, with GT showing his cricketing prowess with some glorious strokes and one gorgeous flick over square leg for six, reminiscent of Doc (Bjorn) circa 2007. A rush of blood saw him castled for 23. Another rush of blood saw Rhino go quickly, which brought experienced campaigner Chuck to the crease. At 3/185 in the 42nd over, both Chuck and Dino were looking good, and 10 an over with 7 wickets in hand seemed attainable.

A comical, but unfortunate incident with Chuck telling Dino to play straight, only to have him follow that advice, the ball hitting the bowler's hand, deflecting onto the stumps, with Chuck short of his ground backing up. Pup came, hit a trademark cow corner six, then was caught. Morty joined Dino for the last five, but with accurate death bowling from Pat and Munir, saw the Wommies fall 20 runs short. Dino, playing for red ink at the end, finished with 109.

It's always unfortunate to lose, especially when victory is within our grasp, but the professionalism, particularly fielding, of the Japanese team made the difference. Hopefully we all take something away from this game to put us in better preparation for defending our attempt at our third J1C premiership in a row.

Without any drunken wrestling on the way home this time, a safe journey was enjoyed by all – no fatalities, no injuries even. Highlights began as we hit the Tomei, with Chuck, Dino and Rich copping most of the sculls. The Wommies may also have a new supporter base after one of our stops for bladder release, we just have to learn how to play soccer! Respect must go to Morty for a great off-field performance.

Thanks go to Japan national team coach Rich Laidler and the Japanese national team boys for a good day of hard fought, high quality cricket, and we wish them all the best in the 2008 ICC World Cricket League Division 5 tournament starting next month.

CM 6S: "BEST TOUR YET" DESPITE FINAL CHOKE!!
by Ian Gason

What they lacked in numbers and experience, they made up in intensity, as this year's Tokyo Wombats Chiang Mai Sixes Tour has been given a 'best yet" rating by the skipper and veteran, Marty Charlton. Missing stalwarts and never-say-die units like Andy Hall and Luke Ray didn't dent the enthusiasm of the tourists. In fact it may well have spurred them on.

With the excuse basket at Wombat HQ full, helped was called in. Sandy at the Irish Pub sorted us out with Robin, aka Hot Lips, but at 18 years of age, how would he handle the after hours? Marty found out quick that this young lad would match it with the best of 'em, and would cover the gruelling week. Ravindra Pushpakamara may have dismissed Sachin Tendulkar 3 times, been called nasty names by Glenn McGrath, won a World Cup, but how would he handle life as a Wombat? By drinking more than ever before, staying out at Bubbles and Spiceys and crawling to the games (and through them sometimes!) is how.

Chris Mortimer, virgin, 6'15" of Julio, took to Chiang Mai like a duck to water. After some initial hesitation, Morty was soon playing his shots with the confidence of a veteran, taking opportunities to turn 1s into 2s, getting the occassional comparison to Viv Richards.

Reggie, Marty and Curly, 11 tours between them, knew they had to lead from the front, give a little bit extra, and drive this tour for 8 tough days. So well had the team gelled, that on Sunday night, on the eve of two tough games, the boys declined a chance to have Gilchrist's former NSW opening partner as a team-mate. "Team balance" was the official reason, though some may suspect that tanking had more to do with it! Sandy was unimpressed, shaking his head, "You've been pestering me for TWO MONTHS, Curly!?!"

When we hit town Saturday arvo, Marty was camped in the Porn Ping bar with the Awali boys, where dwarves were the subject of much ridicule. Marty's monster drinking sesh was 6 hours old, and 14 hours later as the sun rose Marty was speeding into the 7-11 for yet more booze! Team bonding takes priority over sleep. So wake up Morty, too!

So we played some cricket. Beaten with dignity by TC's Warathais, and beaten with the ugly stick by Bangladesh's Cricketeers. Marty was failing admirably behind the stumps, persisting with the much discredited Wall Technique. Most of our runs came from the booming blade of Pushy. His bowling was a bit lacksidasical, and Reggie was surprised to know he payed his 23 Tests as a bowler. "You wouldn't have thought so after today's effort" surely a Quote of the Year?

Pride was restored with a win over the Drifters, and our Big Plan was in place: The Bowl.

Unfortunately Amal Silva hadn't read The Big Plan and smeared us all over Chiang Mai, and setting us with a do-or-die clash with Thai Thevada. Deja vu all over again?

Luckily for Curly Bank was at a temple ceremony so it was left to Orf to make him look silly, sending him down-town twice, once onto the roof. Play of The Day however had earlier been won by a tired Pushy, who admitted he didn't see his first ball. Walking a single to cow-corner, Pushy was run out by a ball which trickled the last ten metres along the ground! Fortunately he had already helped set up a score of 70, which was too much for the Thais. A very relieved Hot Lips secured his first tour wicket, LBW, when the Thai opener backed away to POINT!

An 8:30 clash with the men in pink, The Armadillos, was on, and now it was time for the skipper to get tough: 4am curfew!! After adding a new bar to our circuit, Tuskers (good grill!) before making the usual cow corner et al rounds, team bonding headed to Spiceys, how unusual. Plenty of action on the floor, much bump and grind, as well as a wayward Irishstani, Makki, doing his tequila best to sabotage our plans. The Monster had worked himself into a state, had his dancing shoes on, changed them for the wobbly boot, then slipped on the beer goggles before slipping away just inside the curfew. (see pics for his pre-game state.)

Reggie, The Quiet Achiever, opened up with Pushy and the pair got us off well. A stumble in the middle as Curly and Robin collected ducks #1 and #2 for the tour. Marty and Morty took us to 76. Armadillos made a good chase of it, with the game still alive til the last ball. Morty made a choice far better than Spiceys, digging in a short ball and securing a final berth for the Wommies.

Visitors encamped, numbers in the tent swelled, and players took advantage of the few hours break to get some R&R. One Wombat even took a leaf out of Imran Khan's book. There was a bit of a panic when we realised we were 20 mins ahead of schedule. A quick head count, burgers abandoned and pads on! Pushy got us going in his usual rollicking style, with Morty coaxing the extra running out of him. Entering the final over, Curly and Reggie were aiming 70+, but maybe the pre-game routine paid off, as Amal Silva saw his last 3 balls go 664! First six was carried over right in front of the vigilant commentator, but the next one sailed fair over the roofs!

82, a very good total.

Marty made a big request of young Robin, bowl to Sixes veteran and Test legend, Amal Silva. The gamble didn't pay off. Robin threw down a few too many wides and 42 off the over put the Silva Stars in the box seat. Tight overs followed, and Robin did extract a wee slice of revenge, catching Amal in the deep. Wombats took the game into the final over, but ant-climatically, the game was sealed by a Monster wide.

The camp was shattered, but only briefly. There was one last night of partying to worry about. Robin took some cheering up, but would we swap a great week with mates for a win in the final? Never!

Big thanks to the tournament committee and sponsors. Pushy, mate, it was an honour to have you as a team-mate, but remember to ground your bat! Hope you can make 2009. Robin, great effort. You held your own against the likes of Marty- no mean feat! Don't let one over spoil your memories of a U-beaut week. Be seeing you in Tokyo when you get those studies done.

51 weeks to 2009........

TOYAMA TROUNCE WOBBLY WOMBATS
by Courtney Jones

Mohammad Ali vs "Smoking Joe" Frazier, Mundine vs Green, McGrath vs Lara, West Coast Eagles vs Sydney Swans, Jaywinkle C.C. under 11's vs Doubleview C.C. under 11's and........sorry Morty, I don't know any soccer rivals.....

Epic sporting matchups that have pitted the very best, at their very best in deciding the number 1 in their respective disciplines. Sunday March 30th, 2008 promised another massive clash as the two best performed cricket teams in Japan of the last few years were due to engage at the Ageo ground.

This mouthwatering blockbuster was dead in the water at 9pm the night before the game as the Giants skipper informed me that his team was pulling out of the contest due to battle fatigue. Apparently they had brutalised opponents on the two previous Sundays and after months of notice and planning were unable to prioritize their efforts and get themselves up for a huge game against the Wombats. Perhaps lucky for us, as our replacement opponent Toyama C.C. proved too good in beating the Wombats by 3 wickets.

The Wombats unveiled three new faces in Grant Turner, Japan National team candidate, Kibayashi and Japan under 15's star wicket keeper Takumi. The Wombats won the toss and decided to bat, but soon lost Burkey. Ryan promoted to #3 after getting in the skip's ear about batting up the order joined Dino and the pair scored freely. Dino in particular was uncharacteristically aggressive but one quick single too many found him just short of the crease for 22.

First gamer GT came in at #4 and played aggressively immediately. Luckily for GT on 0, a crunching drive was dropped by the bowler and from then on his drives all whistled through the field and often to the boundary. Wombats 2-91 after 17 at drinks and with Ryan and GT sharing a 52 run stand, a lovely platform had been laid.

We squandered this opportunity though as GT, Kibayashi, Ryan and Chuck all fell within 8 overs. Pup and Laidler were able to re-group with some counter attacking blows and Laidler's straight 6 thumped back over the bowlers head was a highlight. This 55 run partnership enabled us to build a competitive total, but following their dismissals, only 14 runs came off the last 4 overs to leave the Wombats to defend 186 off 35 overs. Also, if I was to be totally up front, Toyama's poor fielding probably gifted us 30 runs which was a bonus.

Not a bad score on a flix pitch and with our bowling and fielding depth I thought it would be enough. Toyama's batting plan was simple and none too subtle as four boundaries were slashed in the first 10 balls of their innings. Pup requested a mid-on after two balls went to the boundary through the vacant area, so second slip comes out to fill it. Next ball edged to the vacant second slip. Ahhh...! I knew I shouldn't have moved! But in all honesty it was bloody cold and the catch still had to be taken! I go back to second slip and the batsman lines up the vacant mid on again, but this time he can't get down on a searing Pup yorker and the Wombats were on our way. Not quite to plan but you'll take it.

Toyama played a game that was best summed up by #3 Razaq. Dino tells Chuck "Put in a cow corner because he's only got one shot!" but I resist, rather waiting for him to play the shot first. Well Razaq waited one ball before sending it 30 meters over the boundary. I respond to Dino with "a cow corner wouldn't have mattered mate!". Next ball he's bowled by GT.

Exhilarating and frustrating is the only way to describe these blokes when they get going with the bat! I liked Laids simple sledge to Zahid after a huge agricultural swing and miss at one of his deliveries "Awww....play cricket will ya!" Rizwan, Zahid and Hanif all batted with the same abandon and at one stage Toyama were 4/86 off 13 overs. With that kind of strike rate we had to bowl them out to win, however Zahid shattered that thought with some of the hardest hitting I've ever witnessed. His 51 came off 40 balls and all Wombats bowlers suffered at his blade at some stage.

Rain started to come down which made bowling difficult but we stuck at it and all respect to the bowlers who came back in their second spells and made the last 20 runs very difficult for Toyama. Alex's 2/22 off 6 and Laidlers 1/26 off 7 were the standout figures as Toyama won with 6 overs and 3 wickets in hand.

We quickly dealt out the Hardys' awards as the rain and cold were setting in. GT on debut took the Wombats best for the double of 33 runs and 2/28. Toyama's best went to the awesome power hitting of Zahid and play of the day went to Mudassar for the direct hit run out of Jarrad.

A very special thanks must go to Toyama not only for making the five hour drive to play us, but also for supplying a wonderful Pakistani chicken pulao lunch for all at no charge. Also, Takumi who played his first game with the men and aquitted himself very well behind the stumps and with the bat. Japan's Chino, watch out!

We hit Watami at Ageo station for food, beers and highlights. Jarrad attracted most recognition with his lowlight, non diving fielding attempt. Poor planning saw us get on the train at Ageo with no travellers but, we still had fun daring Dino to run off the train at the stops to go buy drinks.

Even though we didn't come away with a win I thought we gained a lot from the game. Ryan showed he's good enough to bat at the top of the order and is going to put pressure on the top 5 to consistently produce scores. Grant demonstrated his all round abilities and worth, while Alex's control and accuracy returned to the levels we know he's capable of. Our fielding was again very good but from an overall perspective, how well prepared are we as individuals and as a team for the beginning of the J1C season in May?

WOMBATS FIGHT HARD AND BRING HOME FIRST WIN OF 2008
by Courtney Jones

Ohh...the pain! Glad I've got Monday off because I feel like I've barely slept, played cricket, drunk a bottle of jinro and spent a couple of hours brawling. Sunday March 23rd in a nutshell!

The Tokyo Wombats 2008 campaign started with a bang by convincingly disposing of the Shizuoka Kytes by 8 wickets and then each other under sunny then cloudy skies at the Shizuoka ground. On board the van was debutant Rich Laidler, second gamers Gav Beath (hereonin refered to as Jesse), Masa "Pidge" Itou plus the usual array of marsupial cricketers.

The van trip started blandly but Laids announced his presence by diving onto a sleeping Chuck saying "If I can't sleep then you can't either!" which in hind sight was a preview of the return legs more forceful exertions. Also, Al Koolhof's straight forwardness in explaining his lifelong 6-fa also provided a point of conversation. Such unbridled honesty is typical on Wombats van trips but it usually takes alot more than a blueberry yoghurt drink.

At the ground it was warm and sunny and a bat first up would be terrific. Unfortunately Neil won the toss and asked the Wombats to field. Ian and Luke opened up under a gorgeous blue skied, warm day, but it was the Kytes who got off to the bright start. Sharpe looked intent on belting Luke out of the attack with a couple of slogs.

Thankfully, Ian soon induced an edge out of Sharpy to Laidler at first slip who pushed the ball up goalie style, fell back onto his butt and stuck out his right hand to pluck a marvelous catch lying on his back. Harvey joined Phillips and the runrate slowed right down as Luke and Pidgeon continually found the right lengths. Luke got the dangerous Harvey with the second last ball of his 8th over when another perfect length ball caught a fine edge for Dino to do the rest. Kytes 2/60 at drinks.

Phillips' stubborn resistance ended immediately after the break by Alex with a ball so immaculate that it produced life and then bowled him. Phillps must be an English teacher because when walking back to his team mates after his dimissal he proclaimed that the delivery "conceived him!" After all it was Easter Sunday!

The play of the day brought down the next Kyte wicket as Laids ambled at top pace to an outside edge, picked up the ball and then threw down the non strikers stumps 30 meters away with the batsman well short. "I can't run anymore but I've still got an arm!" proclaimed the thrower as the boys swarmed around him.

Runs and wickets now came regularly with Shax leading the way. The Kytes had few answers to his flight and control and they twice spooned catches to Wombats. Rhino did his best to make his catch look easy from a starting point of extremely easy. Arthur Harrison had his off stump knocked back by Shax in his last game for Shizuoka before relocating to Osaka for his studies in economics and Kansai chicks. His Dad at #11 spanked a few around to finish 9 n.o. and the Kytes were bowled out for 141 with Shax's 3/24 and Alex's 2/33 doing most damage. Special mention to Pidge who was unlucky to finish with 0/17 off 8.

Needing 142 for victory doesn't usually present many problems but straight away it was obvious that Arbab and Sharpe were bowling well so maybe this chase was going to be no pushover. Morty unfortunately top edged Arbabs worst ball of the day to present mid-off with an easy catch for a well constructed 0. He didn't look forlorn at all walking off and I suspect the anticipation of the joys of Thailand and Chiang Mai in under a weeks time were the reason for that.

Chuck joined Jesse at 1-10 and some tight bowling restricted them to 1-20 of 10 overs with Curly's sledge "Are ya bats painted on!?" summing up scoring rate. A bowling change was all that was required though, with Harveys first 6 deliveries all wide on his way to a 14 ball over. Jesse started demonstarting why he opens the batting for Japan with placement and timing through the legside and pure power with a slog over cow corner and into the dry river bed. He looked set for a very big score until Arbab got him LBW for 62 including 11x 4s and 1x 6. Laidler looked confident at #4 playing the cut expertly and when Chuck finally hit out the total was passed in the 26th over.

The capatins agreed pre-game to bat the full 40 overs for practise sake so Dino, Ryan and Ian went out for some valuable time in the middle. Dino's swipe off Harvey for the maximum was as impressive as it was massive. The intensity petered out and the cloud and wind rolled in so post game the Hardy's awards were quickly handed out. Arbab for his wonderful spell of 8-5-2-9. Shax's 3/24 was the Wombats best and Laidlers direct hit runout took play of the day.

The slab was consumed, song sung with Curly leading the chorus from Dinos shoulders and finally off to the soba shop. The chow hit the spot and highlights brought smiles all round. Coach Morty highlighting his teams fine fielding performance brought a mix of reactions raining down on him.

Bottles of whisky, jinro, chewies and beers filled the esky for the return to Tokyo and it wasn't long before the back of the van was reduced to a mass wrestling bout. Each person took on every other person in the van numerous times with Jesse in particular looking to maim as many Wombats as he could before the J1C starts. The bloody Tomei had a huge traffic jam so for hours spot fires continued to break out in the van and the injury count mounted.

What happened Wombats!? We decided at the AGM to tone things down on van trips this year. It seems we still have some work to do before the J1C season begins or is it a case of......If it ain't broke......!

See ya's this Sunday for what promises to be an equally eventful day of cricket vs the Giants.