2010 Match Reports

SHARKS EVADE HUNGRY WOMBATS IN WASHOUT (11/07/2010)
by Grant Turner
>>>Match Photos

TWCC looked forward to its 2nd competitive game of the season with a visit to Fuji to play good rivals, Chiba Sharks. After a lean couple of weeks of washouts, forfeits and lack of players, a full squad of 11 plus 1 reserve was picked and hopes were high that we'd get a game in to get 2010 season moving.

Alas it twas not to be, with the pain of a long trip to Fuji, greeted with a ground in reasonable condition, but the match cut-down in mid-stream by the onset of a Fuji downpour that put the pitch and ground out of condition, and the match marked down as a wash-out, no result.

Sadly and gladly for a few guys this resulted in a 'no stats' return on the game and the efforts, and they'll have to do it all again to make sure it counts.

The day started brightly for all with Streps in turning up in an outrageously yellow shirt, Pres Farmer coming straight from the bar to the van, and we also witnessed the most outrageous pair of thongs/slabs of rubber that adorned Rony's feet, certainly pitting him up against Al with footwear of the year.

Arriving at the ground, yours truly went out for the toss, taking out the lucky 10c piece for the occasion, the coin went up, Chris from the Sharks called tails, the coin fell arse-up, the Sharks chose to bowl and lucky 10c piece was duly dispatched into the Fuji long grass.

The Sharks came out pumped to rip through what looked like a slender Wombat batting lineup, but of course had to get through the beefcakes up front first in Beathy and Dino. Sadly for the Sharks, the long lay off between games had done nothing to diminish the Beathy and Dino touch as they duly set about tearing apart the Sharks attack.. The opening stand of 129 broken when Beathy fell trying to push the run rate further for a well compiled 52.

Dino and GT then started to look to set about building the target before Dino was bowled all ends up for 73, and finally giving a few other guys in the team a chance for a bat.

Pres Farmer came and went for a groggy 4 runs, then Nick came out, well practiced from his recent baseball exploits, and duly smashed one straight down the ground in a glorious off drive. However, forgetting he was now wielding the cricket willow not some baseball stick, sat back on his bat admiring his handy work, as GT ran down reminding him he has to run in this game – a certain 3 cut down to 1. Shortly after Streps then proceeded to try his arm at the bat-throwing caper as well, sending his bat circling through the air and Sharks mid-wicket scurrying for cover. Streps finally went for an action packed 17.

Richard came, conquered and thought 6 runs will do, departing to give his son Ben a chance to create his own Wombat history, with his first runs for the club, duly picked off with a neat tuck around to square leg off the opening bowler and one run in the book. Sadly by the end of the day, the rain duly washed away that record and the stats will show he needs to replicate again. We're sure the time will come again all too soon.

The Wombat innings finished with Phil copping a first ball golden in his first official dig for the club, perhaps setting the dubious record of being out first ball faced for the club. Luckily on this occasion the rain god also wiped this record and Phil shall live to redeem another day.

Wombats setting the target of 201 for 7 off their 40 overs, a score that was deemed a good target at the start of the day and felt would be enough on this ground today.

The Sharks innings started shakily, with the first drops of rain starting, and as it did, the first Sharks started departing. When the deluge finally hit, the Sharks were in deep trouble at 3-34 off 10 overs, Nick picking up 2 smart wickets with his seamers, and Koolhof 1 wicket helped with a beautiful slippers catch taken by Beathy, surely to rate up there in catch of the year, until the game got called and the stat doesn't count.

As the Fuji heavens opened, and the ground filled with water, surely this was ideal for the Sharks, right in their element, but the bleating cries of "its raining, its raining", coming from deep under the canopy saw the players scurry, and the game called.

This only now meant that Al could get his hands on the brand spanking new Wombat BBQ, christened today for the first time, as the lads enjoyed a post-game sanger sandwich huddled around the back of the van. Not quite the relaxing scene envisioned, but the food was good all the same.

After such a hollow end to a game of cricket, and the long haul back up the Tomei in the teeming rain, even the van ride back was a little subdued. The quiet reflection, wasn't broken until Strider pulled off the Tomei and Dino finally started piping up, Dino style, with his stream of Dino observational waffle. Strider pulled it in at Harajuku, beaut new esky still in one piece, safe in the knowledge this one is harder to break than those pesky foam numbers, and less clean up when he finishes. Definitely not one for the van ride stat books either....

SANO COP A WOMBAT WALLOPING (24/04/2010)
by Grant Turner
>>>Match Scorecard vs Sano
>>>Match Photos

The seasons may change but somethings remain the same as the Wombats travelled to Sano and proceeded to give Sano a free lesson on how to play good hard competitive cricket in a solid season opening effort.

With new club President, President Farmer taking over the reins of the club, and plenty of new talent joining the Wombats squad, things have started looking good for the Wombats future, and leading into the first game, President Farmer thought things were soo good he'll get in his end of season vacation at the same time as the first game of the year and was last heard lounging by the pool sipping Pina Colada's in some far flung resort.

Unperturbed, the boys gathered early on a fine, sunny Saturday morning at Mejiro for the trip to Sano. And then sat and waited while the changing of the Van master resulted in the Wombat transport arriving 20 mins after scheduled meeting time, giving just enough time for Rossco to actually seem to make it on time. The tension was quickly eased with a few recollections from the recent Changmai returnees.

The Wommies arrived at the ground to find it bone-dry after the recent rain and thankfully last year's thicket that claimed 5 lost balls in our last game had all been ripped up, but the barren rice field from last year was now covered in waste high scrub.

A quick welcome and ceremonial presentation to the new boys in the club, Phil Walker, Rony Parvej and Nick "Strepsils" Goold (a Changmai veteran before his first official Wommies game).

Toss of the coin, won by GT and the Sano boys were invited to show their form with the bat.

Strepsils and Laids were given the new ball duties, and Nick couldn't have had a better start, 2 wickets in the first over and the Wommies would have been thinking early trip back home. Sadly the Umpire saw it differently with his seat reserved on the late train home and the deafening appeals were turned down. Sano none for a few after the first few overs.

Up stepped Nick again, jack of this pussy-footing around and with 2 wickets in 2 balls set the Wombats rolling. Laids chimed in with another and Sano had slumped to 3-19 and impending chaos looming.

Al was introduced into the attack and his probing deliveries finally found their mark bowling Rizwan and allowing Al to unleash his new wicket celebration, a move he's been working on all off season, something resembling the dance of the mad-hatter. Young Terayama from Sano was then given a lesson in taking the quick single, trying to take a cheeky run on GT at mid-off who picked up and a direct hit saw the youngster trailing his bat back to the pavilion.

The Sano innings then started to pick up a bit of steam before Rossco took a nice little catch down at deep long off which then set off more controversy. The hypothetical argument started over where does the boundary start and stop. Most cricket officionados would say the rope that was laid down on the ground would be a good indicator, however some of the brains-trust in Sano think a bit different from the rest of us lay-men and proceeded to argue and analyse, including sending up to 4 representatives down to the boundary to inspect and report, that the boundary includes the grass connected and touching to the boundary including all associated and neighbouring grass interconnected and touching anywhere up to 1 metre or so away from the aforementioned rope, or as far as convenient to justify their thesis.

Anyway, the game moved on, Phil was introduced into the attack and subsequently introduced himself to the Sano skipper, who it appears really took a liking to him and just couldn't keep away from him, with the 2 meeting for a little love-tap in the middle of the pitch.

The Sano innings fell away towards the end and were all out for 138 in 35 overs, with Rony 'Can I bowl Spin?' Parvej picking up his first Wombats wicket with his medium-pacers, and wickets shared around with Laids 2-21 off 7, Nick 2-17 off 6, Al 2-23 off 7 and GT 2-12 off 6 getting amongst the spoils.

138 on this track may not seem a challenging task, and so thought Dino as he went for a Golden Duck 4th ball of the innings, 1st legitimate ball of the innings, to create his own new first, first Golden duck in Japan.

This bought Rossco and Beathy together to steady the ship, with the Sano bowlers just feeding Ross with some short ball fruit outside off, before Ross duly feasted and hoisted a glorious cut shot over the top and deep into the overgrown rice field for 6 bikkies.

Rossco eventually fell for a well compiled 24, bringing Chuck to the crease, maybe playing his last game from Wombats, but hopefully not so. After being introduced to the crease with the classic 'long way to come for a duck' sledge, Chuck then proceeded to demonstrate why its lucky Sano only had a short way to travel for a Wombat walloping. Chuck produced a sparkling innings of 69 not out from 48 balls, 9 x 4's and 3 brutal 6's showed why he's a valuable part of the Wombats lineup (that and the drinking shenanigans in the van trips back will be hard to replace).

Beathy played the anchor role sputtering along to 28 off 61 balls, before falling late in a decision from the umpire that was so quick it appeared he was actually appealing himself. Of course the betting slip in his back pocket with Shacks to score the winning runs at long odds may have inspired the decision, sadly for Shacks though he couldn't get enough willow on them to belt the final runs but finished on a solid and promising 0 not out.

The game was wrapped up in the 25th over, the points safely in the kitbag, and beer o'clock time beckoned. With the supplies duly dusted off at the ground, Chuck given the 'bottle of red' for his player of the day effort, and new boy, Phil picking up the play of the day, the wommies set off for KFC and the trip back to Tokes under the driving tutelage of GT, covering for Al so he could enjoy a few refreshments.

With Curls and Dino not controlling the Van, the green light was given for the Jinro jokers to unleash and unleash they tried. One bottle duly polished off before we'd even pulled out of the KFC in Sano and 2 more 2 litre monsters for the trip back ensured the boys were well lubricated and potential trouble ahead. Sadly maybe for some, the Saturday game at Sano meant little to no traffic, only one piss stop in the breakdown spot on the Tokyo Expressway, and the Wommies were back in Tokyo and sprawling out onto the pavement in Shinjuku within 90 minutes of leaving Sano, and still half an esky waiting to be drunk.

Great clubman, Kasun was given a rousing farewell before he headed off into the night, and a few remaining Wombats were left to polish off the last drinks, season 2010 off to a good start all round.

CHIANG MAI 6s 2010: GOOD JOB!
by Ian Gason

It's so much harder to write a tour report than a match report. Cricket makes up just a small part of each day's events; amnesia is part of the problem; and let's face it, it's far more interesting getting drunk than reading about it.

The fun began in Bangkok with Marty making a re-appearance in the city of angels, and quickly settling in for some serious team tactics discussions with Gavin and Jarrad. Me, Paul and Nick joined the team after some lost luggage and lost hotels, and a tour of the usual bars and cultural performances took place.

Marty ran into arch-friends Awali on his Chiang Mai flight, and you know how that ends. Maurice's curtailed speech at the Welcome Party was a welcome innovation, allowing us to concentrate on the free booze, catching up with friends, trying to remember people's names, free booze, meeting the team guide and more free booze.

Game number one on Sunday was v Irish Pub at 9am, and to ensure it was played on a level playing field, the first shot session of the tour began that night at Irish HQ, and continued until past 4 at the VW/JD bar. It ended with Florence (aka Jarrad) asleep at the table but steadfastly refusing to go home ("Nah, ish too early to go home..zzzzz"); Return of The Ewoks- spew on the thongs Part I; one Dingbat's first and last trip to Spicey's- he was never the same again.

The Dingbats were last to leave, so convinced we had won the important battle, the result of the actual cricket was not so important. On the pitch, we snatched defeat from the jaws of victory when Ross' first duck changed the equation from 20 off ten balls to 20 off 6, and our first fine session for 2010 got under way. It ended with our first case of passing out in public, behind the food stalls of all places!

Sunday evening saw Awali celebrate 10 years of touring Chiang Mai. The famously generous Bahraini's picked up the tab for 3 or 4 hours of drinking and eating at the Irish Pub for about 80 people.....79 if you discount the 70baht Kevin Beath had to pay for a Singha!

That's pretty much how the week continued: bars, drunk, hangover, cricket, lost, fine session, eating/cheating, bars, drunk, hangover. Pleasingly, the Porn Ping breakfast has been made edible, although Ross' daily attempts to order an omelette resulted in precisely zero omelettes arriving on his plate. Of course Porn Ping brekkies aren't about eating, more of a de-briefing session of the night before.

Next two games were v Divine Felons (lost) and Perth Postels (lost). The ins & outs of the Felons game are (like much of the week) forgotten, overshadowed by the howls of pain from Ross, who had taken a tumble in the bath tub and messed up his back/side/rib/gut. He did knock up 30 runs, but at a cost of an ambulance ride, and being demoted to wicket-keeper for the rest of the tour. The Perth game at 9am almost became a 5-a-side when neither side could muster 6 fit blokes. When Sixes legend Cat stumbled out of the elevator and fell into the bus, Ross scoffed some more pain-killers and game was on. We failed to defend whatever total we posted (duck #1 for me) as Cat somehow saw the ball and gay-dabbed Jarrad (Florence) away in the final over.

The preceeding fine session rocked a few boats, with Cat the first to to holler "watch under" and re-visit his breakfast. A few fellas were hot on his heels, and an unfortunate consequence of our 0-3 record meant we had to front up that arvo for a must win game.

From that point on we were a team re-born- or more like regurgitated. A win that day over Drifters (inc a controversial handling ball incident) lined us up Friday morning v.....the Zimbos! yes, Floggers and Robbers! More on that later.

Somewhere amongst all that alcohol and cricket, we ventured out to the hills to Flight Of The Gibbon with our lovely team guide Jan and her friendly friend Fah. After 3 years of procrastinating, a beaut day was had, getting right away from the cricket and city. One Dingbat had not so much fall off the wagon, more like taken 100kgs of plastic explosives and turned the wagon into a truck bomb. Maybe Chuck's famous and foolish words from years ago were ringing in his head, "I'm going to f**k up those Irish Pub bitches!" Despite hangovers, none of lost our lunch swinging in the trees (though one or two almost did in the bus) but it did put an end to Paul's comeback plans.

Wednesday second match threw a monumental spanner in Marty's works. Fines with Cat and a few drinks with Big Bob & co', a few fits of sleep, another game of cricket, and that was the end of Marty's Wednesday! Yep, Marty missed the Pig Picking Night, aka Yukata Night! The rest of us struggled out and enjoyed the feed and the band (OK, not all of us Jarrad....) and went to cow corner to show off our frocks. The weeks activities and that second game had knocked the wind out of most of us and the boys were as flat as last week's lemonade- it took Gavin until 11 to face a drink!

Was Thursday the Monster Guinness Show Down? Ross and Gavin giddy'up and go toe to toe and pint for pint, giving a whole heap of laughs for the rest of us.....though maybe not for the 6foot lady boy who abused us for 200m down Cow Corner Rd and threw a bag of rubbish at Florence! The night went down hill (from a reasonably down hill start) with one virgin saying we should go to "Sharkey's.....Spacey's....I mean Snakey's....." and ended up with one made-up Dingbat, and a certain Kiwi spilling shots at the Irish Pub. Throw a bit of Spiceys in there and we were fired up and ready for the Floggers!

Fortunately, the Floggers threw enough extras our way to allow us a defendable total, and with Florence Shearer's darts at the death, the bowlers held their own. Fortunately, the Floggers had get back to flogging tobacco (ie work) and the fine session was postponed til the evening. Fortunately again, we had landed in the Bowl (3rd of 5 divisions) which was the only division to NOT have an early semi final on Saturday. That was very fortunate.....

Because after posting and defending a good total v Southerners in the day's penultimate game (and therefore making the Bowl final) we had a the obligitory fine sesh with the boys from Bangkok. Most of the teams had begun leaving, except the die-hards such as the Irish, Southerners, Awali, us and....The Floggers.

Foolishly we ventured into their tent, the vodkas begun and seemed to never stop. They stopped for one Dingbat when he crawled under the sightscreen and passed out. (The same Dingbat, lets call him Jarrad, came unstuck by trying to take over the fine session from the wobbly fine masters) They continued for another Dingbat despite him being the second ewok that week to hurl on Ross' Cheech & Chongs! One Dingbat learnt (we hope) the hard way not to drop the C-bomb around women and children. All in all, it was just one big, long, messy fine session, the kind not seen every year.

Apparently we left the ground at 9, plans for a big team dinner now looking shabby. Things stayed messy back at the Porn Ping- technicolour yawns, full monty, tuk-tuk round the block, a mystery shopping trip, lost Dingbats. The amazing thing was that 4 of us still made it out! To the Irish Pub of all foolish places to head. Numbers had dwindled by 3 or 4, but one Dingbat- one who claims not to drink- was dribbling so badly by this stage he was unable to even drink water.

The next morning saw a serious of "what happened?" calls, lost bags and credit cards found, unknown piles of Kashmiri scarves discovered, a very silent Dingbat at breakfast, a mystery trip to the dentist- the perfect prep for a show-down v the youthful and talented Thai Thevada.

Getting 6 bodies on the pitch was an achievement in itself. Keeping Ross on the pitch all week was a credit to modern pharmacy. Finding everybody's kit proved impossible, and one of us had to play in a borrowed shirt. But 6 of us strode out to battle.

Ross' one attempt at running 2 was enough, so he belted 6s and 4s and retired (30+) as did Nick. Kevin Beath got ran out, and Dino/Jarrad/Florence/Grumpy and myself got us into the mid 70s, a score not beyond Thai's big hitting openers' reach.

Surprisingly our bowlers executed the plans- full and straight to deny them the cow-corner option- and kept them under 10/over. Aged and weary fielders allowed the Thai lads to run not just a four, but also a 5 all run- no overthrows, it just took Ross that long to struggle down to the boundary! When Dr Death Shearer came on to bowl the last over we had 40 in he bank, but as Mr Ray will testify, stranger things have happened in Chiang Mai!! Luckily they didn't and despite and HUUUGE six, and despite Marty's porous effort allowing four on the last ball we won the game and Bowl!!

Two if us had left before the closing party, which was mercifully brief, and we bid our driver and guide farewell as we headed off for one last round of the bars. As past tourists know, the week has usually caught up with us by Saturday, so it can be a flat night. Perhaps the highlight was a discussion on the merits of travelling with an i-phone.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Nick Goold, 80+ runs, twice retired, tight bowling. Needs to pull his weight in fines though.

MAN OF THE WEEK: Hard to go past Marty, but I'd say ROSS FERRIS for playing through the pain barrier all week, both on and off the pitch.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK: The Guiness sesh'? The mutant golf night? Marty's dancing? Jarrad's obnoxious Singaporean alter-ego? Winning something? Floggers' fines? Flight of the Gibbon? Take your pick.

CATCH OF THE WEEK: Looking back, it wasn't as hard as I made it look, and I'd have spilled it without Shearer's directions, but it was up in the air for a while and after a few awkward grabs, I held it

THEME OF THE WEEK: A world of pain.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: *details withheld to protect the innocent*

- OI! You! You're fat- move over!

- Oi! What kinda of f****ng place are you running here?!?

- It's like an inflated Sherrin.

- As the week goes on it gets harder to put a sentence together.

- Porn Ping, 100 Baht.

- This cricket stuff is really starting to get in the way of things.

- It's the blind leading the retarded.

So, thanks to all those that supported our fund-raisers and both of you who sent emails during the week.

Will 2011 be bigger and better? There is only one way to find out: BE THERE!! April 3rd to 10th.