al-Phaq-U Paddy Foleys, al-Phaq-U

by Evan Hitchman

After the much-needed victory against Sano, the mighty Tokyo Wombats took the shink down to Fuji 1 for a crucial game against Paddy Foleys, one that would bring us back up to 3-3 and reignite our finals aspirations for Season 2018.

We were met at Shin-Fuji station by Paddy’s captain Kamran who informed us that his team might be “a bit late” but that everything was ok. The Wommies had a Paddy of their own, with Paddy O’Donnell making his debut and confusing the hell out of Kamran after introducing himself and shaking his hand saying – “Paddy”. Kamran might have hoped he had an extra player, and the first Irishman to play for Foleys for many a year!

After stocking up at the conbini we headed down to the ground to set up, get in the nets and roll the arm over ready for the big game. We had old-boy Mark come down to help out and fill out the 11 as well, and bring the average age of the Wommies up to about an even 40 – also boosting Dino’s self esteem as he wasn’t the oldest player in the team on the day!

The weather at Fuji was overcast and cool, but a good day for cricket. Not a drop of rain in sight.

On Fuji 2, there was a large complement of Wyverns and Tigers preparing for their game, and a few fat boys on the Japan National Team getting ready for a fitness test that they may struggle to pass!

Kamran, the only Paddy Foley’s player at the ground let us know that his players were in a few cars and were caught in traffic, but with no sign of any cars, the minutes ticking away and a worried look on his brow, he finally came up with an excuse and told us and the umpires that – “the players in the cars turned around at Machida, they thought the weather didn’t look very good and the game would probably be called off”. Pigs Arse!! I wouldn’t be surprised if the skipper was the only Foley who was out of bed at that time of the morning!

What a complete bunch of W. Anchors. Sheepish and embarrassed, Paddy’s forfeited the game and pissed off home. alPhaQ-U Foleys, alPhaQ-U.

With 11 wombats gathered at Fuji, on a perfect day for cricket and the clock still at 10:30am but no opposition we decided to make the most of the day and with the friendly umpires Mohan and Sud from AlphaQ agreeing to hang around and play – we set up a pairs friendly to make the most of the Saturday before having a few beers.

6 overs each, minus 8 for each wicket were the rules for each pair.

First up were Dino and Ev, and true to form, much like his JCL form went second ball, caught at mid-off from new-boy Paddy and Naren taking the catch. After a few good hits from Dino, AJ got through Ev’s defence (is that an oxymoron?) with a mulli-grubber that didn’t bounce much at all. Ev was clean bowled and had a score of about minus 15! A few edges from Dino and the first pair were in deep trouble, trying to claw their score back into positive figures. Luckily for them Naren was brought into the attack and Ev feasted on a few half-volleys sending 3 balls to the boundary leaving the first pair on a respectable 48 runs off 6 overs, but the total score wasn’t so healthy at a meagre 16.

Richie and Luke were next in, and totally against the spirit of the day started to play sensible cricket! Forward defensive strokes, no suicide singles or slogs to cow corner. They saw of the bowling for an uneventful 40 for 1, and a total of 32 – clearly with one eye on the generous prize of 1 can of beer offered by the skipper for the eventual winning pair!

Mohan and Sud, our gracious umpires from Alpha Q were the next pair and if only their teammates the week before batted in a similar fashion, we may have won the JCL game between us! They had to face up to the vicious pace of Mark, and were found wanting! If Dino is prehistoric, then Mark is neolithic but unlike Dino, his upstairs are still working well and he used his noodles and nous to bag a few wickets and remain very economical, giving nothing away. Mohan and Sud ended up on a pitiful 20 for 5, and a total score of minus 20! A low score that probably wouldn’t be beaten, but who knows – the Wombats love a challenge!!

Naz and Mick were the 4th pair and they had to face Dino “running” in from the river end! He proved to be just as stingy with the ball as he is with his wallet when it’s time to get a round in and didn’t concede a boundary snagging 1/12 with his slow dribblers. The batters weren’t too shabby though with a respectable 2/43 off their allotted overs seeing them just miss out on top spot, finishing with +27.

Second last pair to come in was The Mad Monk and Augustine “Does anyone need a personalised hat? I’m taking sewing lessons” Jacob. None of this Richie and Lukey snore-fest as they went hard that quickly saw them overtake the top score, with an over to spare. All they had to do was not get out twice in the last over and they’d be fine. Of course they did though! With a few ill judged slogs, and a freak catch from Ev over the shoulder seeing them drop from 52 all the way down to +20 once their late wickets were included.

It was down to the new boy and the old boy to finish the day off. Mark and the one real Paddy whacked on the pads and tried to knock off the total, but to no avail. They got close in the end, Paddy with some lusty blows for four but +25 wasn’t enough. The spoils went to Richie and Luke – and they went home with the beer, and the Champagne Moment of the Day was adjudged to be Ev’s catch, and also Mark’s sensational return somehow of 5/13 off 3 overs!!

A few more beers from Dino’s esky, a few more on a loud ride home for the other passengers on the Shink back to Tokyo and that was the end of the day as the Wommies went home early to bed to prepare for Sunday’s T20 game…..or get drunk and violently swear and shout at the cheating French in random pubs across the country watching the Socceroos get beat.

Scores for the day are below:

Batting

Dino / Ev – 4/48 (+16)
Richie / Luke – 1/40 (+32)
Mohan / Sud – 5/20 (-20)
Naz / Mick – 2/43 (+27)
Deano / AJ – 4/52 (+20)
Mark / Paddy – 2/41 (+25)

Bowling

AJ – 4 overs – 3/30
Paddy – 4 overs – 3/26
Deano – 4 overs – 2/23
Naren – 4 overs – 0/28
Mick – 3 overs – 0/32
Mohan – 2 overs – 0/7
Mark – 3 overs – 5/13
Dino – 2 overs – 1/12
Ev – 3 overs – 1/24
Luke – 4 overs – 1/41

Quotes

• Richie: “Do you wanna hear something sobering?”
  Mick: “What? You mean like one of your jokes?!”
  (Mick hassling Richie about his apparent lack of decent banter!)

• Ev: “Just like Bancroft, this Kamran (Cameron) is also a cheat!”

• Anton: “Kamran hasn’t changed, he’s been pulling shit like this for 20 years!”