MIB go MIA as Wombats Breeze to First Win of 2021

by Evan Hitchman

On a perfect sunny morning down at Fuji, the Wombats made the long journey down the Tomei or on the Shinkansen in search of their first victory of the season after a close loss to Alpha Q in Round One.

We got the first victory of the day with amazingly 12 Wombats arriving an hour before the start-time which must be some sort of new record! The second winner of the day came to Evan “Make The Wombats Great Again” Hitchman in Race 2 at Hanshin as well. Another unexpected addition to this season was a team stretch with Muhammad “The Guru” Ali showing off his yoga moves and most of the other oldies barely being able to touch their toes. The average age of the Wombats was not the youngest with “veterans” Jarrad “Don’t Scratch the Crease Lines!” Shearer and Mark “No, you’re not getting a ride on the mower” McTamney bringing their zimmer frames to the field, as well as Adam “Is 6 cans enough to last a Wombats innings?” Birss in the stands keeping a very close eye on the races, while occasionally glancing at the game in progress!

Perhaps we won’t do that again though, as the Wombats looked all at sea during the first 10 overs; the MIB openers looking in good touch, and cruising to a score of 1/63, with Joe “The Spider” Lewis, getting the first wicket and him and Zubair “The Golden Wombat” Bappi after a rusty first over doing their best to rein in Anurag who was looking very dangerous indeed. Joe bowled solidly and had a few of the MIB batsmen in trouble with his jabs and uppercuts off the bouncy Fuji 2 pitch.

With the game up for grabs, Ev seemed either really keen for a win, or he was possessed by the devil – screaming like a madman to anything hit to point and scaring some of the MIB batters out of easy singles. The rest of the fielding display was also pretty mad, or perhaps that should read bad! Even the safe hands of Ali dropped one in the deep and we were wondering would that come back to haunt us like last week?

Luckily for us (and everyone who dropped a catch!) none of the MIB batters went on to score and big runs, and we got back in it though, with the help of a few dubious LBW though, or should that be BBW (Box Before Wicket!) decisions, and without the help of the Wombats fielders who dropped some absolute sitters off Chelsea “C&B is the only way I’ll get one caught today!” Moscript in particular. Needless though, we were back in the game and the pressure was squarely on the opposition. Could we finish them off?

The middle session, once the shock of the pre-game stretch had worn off seemed to wake up the team with the spinner combo of Chelsea, Kavin “I only catch them off my own bowling” Jinasena and Ali doing the damage, ripping straight through the heart of the MIB order, whose batting technique vs leg-spinners seemed to go totally MIA! One batsman remarking – ‘She’s playing with my mind!” as Chelsea bamboozled the MIB batters with some great variation.

We could write a few paragraphs about all the drops, but it was an absolute ripper from Corey “I am the King of Buddhism” Hunter-Park, who with a ball softly skied up to square leg managed to beautifully position himself away from the ball, and keep his hands nowhere near what should’ve been a regulation catch – the genius being that if he didn’t touch it, how can that be a drop? Deep stuff from the King of Buddhism!

Kav 4 wickets and Ali with 3/125 (according to the bizarre MIB scorebook! – but it was actually 1/21!) got the other wickets and the Wombats had the opposition in the sheds early for a very gettable target of 156 after a big score of 250 or more was very much on the cards.

Into the middle strode the captain, Alex “I’m sick of carrying you pricks on my back” Patmore ready to continue his good form after a ton in a losing side last time out, but hoping to see us over the line for a victory this week and new dad, with the wife, bub and mother in-law in attendance as well Richie “Just don’t get hit on the pads” Bracefield. The two Wombats mainstays built a solid partnership, seeing off the opening bowlers without too much fuss and reaching 0/70 off the first 10. At 0/98 it seemed like a 100 partnership was beckoning and an easy win was in sight. Richie was hitting big 6’s and seeing them like watermelons. Even the skipper Alex hit one for six too! Must have been a mishit. Only the Wombats could lose from here!

Just before they reached that milestone though, Richie hit the cover off a ball delivered right arm around the wicket, and despite the sound of willow on leather being heard all the way back in Sano, the finger went up and reluctantly he was on his way. Richie did well to keep his dummy in the mouth with this one, and well he might with the wife, mother-in law, baby and dog all watching! (Sadly they were nowhere to be seen when he was hitting 6’s all over the park!). Ali strode to the crease and made sure there was to be no collapse today and put together a nice 50 partnership with the skipper, scoring a nicely compiled 30 odd, along with the skipper’s maiden 69* this year….well so he tells us anyway.

A huge win for the Wombats, which puts us back on track for a good season and hopefully a finals berth for the first time in a few years!

Imagine if we could take a catch!

Beers were enjoyed after the game with plenty of highlights and lowlights shared by all, before the local Fuji gang along with some hearty souls who stayed overnight despite the T20 game being cancelled the next day to do some gardening and groundwork at Fuji 2. Thanks heaps to McT for hosting a fantastic BBQ, a great night was enjoyed by all. Ev just asks you go a bit easy on the arsenic or whatever poison you used though! The Pres was a little worse for ware the next morning, stating “I’m in pieces” and a few concerned Wommies pondering – “shit, do we need to take him to the hospital?!”. Luckily a half dozen chucks, a nap and some panadol later he came back to life, got stuck into the weed cutting and was even seen downing a beer at Fuji station later on in the day! His current status though is unknown, and we currently have a vacancy for a new President….

Onwards and upwards for the Wombats, and hopefully we can get the next game on May 15 vs Wyverns happening and keep climbing up the table. Some great new additions to the team and we are really positive about what we can achieve this year!

Catches

• Ali – 2 solid catches in the deep after dropping one in the exactly the same fashion.

Dropped Catches

• Christ. Never seen so many and yet still win so comfortably.
• Corey – first over off Zubair’s bowling, rushing in off the rope at deep backward square toward a flatly hit hook shot that bounced only inches over the rope, a metre to the right of where he’d been standing had he stayed still. Would’ve been a corker if he’d taken it.
• Richie B – worst drop ever, absolute sitter going a million miles an hour and diving full length, somehow managed to get 1 hand to it but not hold it. Embarrassing effort really, in front of the wife, bub and mother in law – lift your game! haha
• Kav – a couple of absolute sitters at mid off that could’ve been costly, in and out of the palms, before finally holding onto one…..off his own bowling! haha
• Joe – diving effort at backward square, almost had it, just popped out again for about the 5th dropped catch in a row for the wommies!
• Ali – one hit straight to him in the deep, low and hard and was in good position, we were all shocked that it came out of his normally safe hands. Made up for it with 2 identical catches later on.

Quotes

• “GEZZABALLLEREARRRGHHHGOTAATHROWYEAAAAAAAA!” and “INNNDSFERAAHERRRRRREEEEEMATTEE.” – Ev (giving his best battlecry whenever the ball trundled within a 50m radius of himself)
• Umpire who shall not be named. Came to Richie after the match to apologize for his… Questionable lbw decision, “it was plumb in terms of the line, it was definitely going to hit your stumps, but I wasn’t sure if you’d hit it or not so I had to give you out”…. Tell the cops, the murder was justified.
• “Do you not like me?” Chelsea to Kav, after Kav caught his own after a drop or two off Chelsea’s bowling.
• “I am the king of Buddhism” – Corey
• Alex – “keep your foot on their throats lads”, Ev – “shouldn’t that be a knee?”
• Dino – “I think we might have to take him to the hospital!”
• One batter from MIB about Chelsea – “she is playing with my brain!” after bamboozling him with a great spell
• Chelsea highlighting Patmore’s innings, Ev chiming in “you saying you liked Alex’s 69 did ya?”.
• “I’ve got a sore back from carrying you pricks,” Skipper feeling good about a 69 and red ink!
• “Sorry bro, running late. Had an issue with my chicken curry.” McTamney saying something I thought I’d never hear on match day!
• “Ah shit, forgot my shoes,” says same kiwi after we’d gotten halfway to the ground. Didn’t realize kiwis owned shoes!
• “I’m in pieces,” growns the prez. And there is photographic evidence to prove he wasn’t exaggerating!

Great Moments in Sport

• Muhammed Ali bowling in tandem with Joe Lewis, (Rumble in the Fuji Jungle), a bowling partnership which slowed the early burst by the MiB openers and heralded the start of a collapse.
• Kavin, bowling out one of the MiB middle order batsmen, hitting top of off with a beauty, leaving him standing there for at least 30 seconds figuring out whether he’d been bowled, stumped, or caught behind.
• Huge bonus-point 9 wicket win.
• The Spider’s opening spell from the top end, just aiming to drop it on a length and let the ball/pitch/batsman do the rest.
• Richie- scoring runs and then getting triggered by the umpire is a great outcome for the big man – means you get all the sympathy from teammates, and can wax lyrical about how many he would have gone on to get…when he knows deep down he’d have probably skied one to mid-off next ball!
• Alex – getting the club’s first 69 of the season
• Chelsea – a great 4 for not many. Had 4 or 5 drops so could’ve had 8 or 9 for! Awesome spell, had one guy saying “she is playing with my mind!”

Dummy Spits

• Dino every time an MIB batter came to the crease and tried to scratch the crease. “Hey maaate, there’s some chalk behind the stumps, those lines don’t paint themselves”
• Long-distance spit for Koolhof wanting to keep using Google Drive for photos instead of LINE
• Ev to the umpire – “mate what’s the bowler’s name? you haven’t said any bowling changes all innings. You are the umpire, do your job!”
• Richie having to be escorted from the field so he didn’t get reported for dissent!

Golden Thong Nominations

• Ev – nearly dying on Sunday morning after a Saturday night session on the beers. Looked worse than death and chucked up most of his organs!