Wombats Trapped in Tiger Cage, Lose by D/L

by Ken Dobson

A typical stinking hot day in Fuji greeted the 11 Wommies as they made their way off the Tomei/Shinkansen, filled their bags with multiple conbini waters (or singular in Ali’s case) and trundled onto the ground.  Japan’s number 2 groundsman had done a marvellous job with the outfield, creating a crisp firm surface that prompted the sort of mundane chat that amateur cricketers revel in. Quips such as, ‘Value for your shots today boys’ and ‘make sure you get your body behind it in the field’ and ‘f*** I hate these guys’ rang around the team serving to provide the necessary pre-match mental stimulation for a contest with a strong Tigers outfit.

The Tigers batted first and it wasn’t long before they were off the mark with Pramod bowling a no-ball very first ball. Unforgivable stuff really from a straight break bowler, However he soon made amends in his 2nd over, trapping the Tigers batter LBW with a clever thigh high full toss, sending him back for nought. ‘Best ball of the day!’ exclaimed Dino – and it was this remark that seemed to spur on the other Wombat bowlers to attempt to outdo each other with poorer and poorer wicket taking deliveries. The Tigers battled on to be 1/40 at drinks, with the part-time rugby player, full-time cricketer Jano Venter coming on to bowl from the City End. Venter who generally bowls a solid line/length, decided to take a leaf out of Pramod’s book and deliver a full toss, which the Tigers batter seemingly having no other option but to guide straight into the hands of mid off. 2/45.

The Tigers put on 51 for the 3rd wicket, until Rasika Chandimal, genius that he is, conjures up a masterful bowling plan to breakthrough. With the very first ball of his spell, Rasika bowls a slow long hop on leg stump, utterly bamboozling the Tigers batsman, forcing him to pull it 50m into the air on the legside straight into the waiting hands of Richie ‘The Athlete’ Bracefield. Rasika, not yet done, then takes the 4th wicket of the Tigers innings in exact same fashion to the 3rd, only this time for Richie to cover 30m to his right and take a fantastic catch at knee height on the run.  Rassie Rasika, not yet done with reeking havoc through the Tigers middle order, then runs out the non striker off his own bowling, showing great reflexes and incredible skill to carefully deflect a straight drive back onto the stumps. 5/122.

At this point the Wombats had their stubby tails up, perhaps sensing a Tigers collapse leaving a relatively small total to chase. However it wasn’t to be. Smart batting with energetic running between the wickets from the Tigers saw them finish 8/206 from their 40 overs. Viggo Mortensen Bandi the beneficiary of 2 late wickets, due reward for running in hard all day, with Zubair collecting the other wicket to fall.

Alex Patmore and Richie Bracefield made a strong start to the chase, in particular Richie who dispatched the very 1st ball he faced over the square leg boundary for a huge six. Patmore fell in the 4th over caught at fine leg with Richie falling two overs later to a freakish caught and bowled, leaving the score at 2/29. Ali & Zubair put aside their hatred of each other and batted very well to take the score to 64 before Ali losing his wicket a ball before drinks. At this point storm clouds were coming in fast, with Patmore frantically working out the various Duckworth Lewis calculations should the rain come.

It was key that the Wombats keep ticking the score along without losing anymore wickets, a message that went straight in one ear and out the other of yours truly, finding myself stumped for a glorious 1 (20 odd).  Dino joined Zubair in the middle before the heavens opened, lashing down rain and thunder, clearly a sign that the god(s) were unhappy with the dismissal of the author. All in all, the match was abandoned with the Wombats 4/75, around 10 short of what was required by D/L.  Both teams enjoyed each others company in Dino’s shed, cramped in like a Yamanote Line train, all social distancing out the window. Zubair immediately made it worse by taking his shirt off, however I repaired the damage by taking off mine.

Zubair took home the MoM award having had his innings cut short after making a very solid 23* (40 odd) off 24 balls, with Bhardwaj from the Tigers collecting the wine for a lovely 52*. Many thanks to Malith Dobson, the ultimate team man travelling down as 12th man for the day.

Catches

• Richie covering a lot of ground on his right to take the catch at deep square leg.
• Ken D – running back over his left shoulder from mid off with a menacingly quick Jano threatening to collide with him, Kenny took the catch in the first over of the match. Shame it was on a free hit…

Dropped Catches

• Dino in the slips (for lack of a better description – details please Wombats!)

Quotes

• Dino – ironically making himself out to be the authority on what shall and shall not count as a Chop.
• Richie to Dino in the slips cordon:
  R: Dino mate, reckon you’re standing a bit wide for a 1st slip for Pramod?
  D: Nah, she’ll never go through this gap, been doing this longer than you champ.
  …..two balls later
  Ball at catching height to regulation 1st slip sails through the gap. F**k.
• Ken D – Giving the opener (Rahul) a send off after he stood his ground after being giving lbw (by Yusry of all people) from a full toss sliding slightly towards the leg side but striking him neatly on his knee roll. “Sod off ya c*nt.”
• On the way back in Jano’s car…
  “Hows Tinder for you mate?”
  “Yeah mate it’s shit. Last time I f**k a dude I swear”
  Identities redacted.

Great Moments in Sport

• Economical bowling performance from Rasika and Pramod.
• Joe ‘Spider-Man’ Lewis using everything but his arms in the field.
• b. Venter c. Dobson – great to see a bromance reflected on the scorecard.
• Rasika – makes an immediate impact with the ball, dismissing a set batsman in his first over before claiming the scalp of the Tigers Captain in the very next over.
• Rasika – classic tap of the ball back on to the stumps from a lusty drive to run out the unlucky non-striker who had just passed 50.

Dummy Spits

• Alex after getting out cursing the umpires for not giving wides while he is batting.

Golden Thong Nominations

• Jano having a ball hit between his legs… on the boundary.
• The four Tigers boys who huddled with each other beneath a tent fly during the storm to stay attempt to stay dry, before deciding to shuffle together under the thing all the way to the carpark on the other side of the adjacent field. Rare.